I’m deeply in touch with the seasons in a way I have never been before in this life. I feel the current of the passing summer day drawing me in, out, and along as we progress. I see the sun moving in the sky, slowly setting a hair earlier each night. But if I weren’t paying attention, I would miss it completely.
In missing it, I find myself in a subtle but clear depression. A depression that sits quietly behind the scenes without much connection to anything. It’s not an overt depression. It’s not the kind of depression that keeps me locked away in a dark room watching TV or staring blankly at the wall.
It’s not the type of depression apparent in my outward mood. It’s more like an inner depression; a subtle unhappiness and discontentment with life. It’s light. Like a fog. It creeps in slowly.
Before I started paying attention to the changing of the seasons I was unable to render the source of this depression. Yet, as the years have passed, I’ve become acutely aware of its presence. It’s like a lingering sadness that sneaks in and isn’t apparent until spring pops the next year, and then it dissipates like a storm cloud completely free of rain.
It has always been a slow creep. It comes each year as we collectively progress from summer to fall and then to winter. I slowly detach from the happiness and moment of spring and summer and a film-like substance comes between myself and life.
It’s as though detaching were a coping mechanism. Like it would help me avoid the depression of fall and winter. But, inevitably, the detachment and lack of consciousness are what create the depression, not the seasons themselves.
I see this now, and I’ve rectified my actions and built a practice of seasonal awareness that extends far beyond the surface of things. It’s a multi-layered (multi-bodied) awareness. And it’s the practice of being ever-present to the passage of time and the cycles of life – on all levels.
It’s a choice to see, wide-eyed, what is right in front of me rather than hiding from what’s there just because I think I won’t like it or it’s not for me. With my eyes open, I keep my finger on the pulse of life as it bubbles up in all its forms from the changing of the seasons to the changing of my body to the changing of society.
The seasons aren’t just changing I am changing. My body and life are changing. And the bodies and lives of those around me are changing. It’s not just another day or another week or another year. It’s our lives that are literally passing in front of our eyes if you’re awake enough to see it.
There is nothing sweeter to me – now – than the great honor of being connected to my life each and every single day. There is nothing sweeter to me than bringing conscious awareness to the energy of each day and to the energy of life. It feels almost paramount that I take the time to be consciously connected with life on all levels. My life includes all layers of my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical bodies. I connect with these bodies anew every day.
Then I connect in with nature and the season we’re in and how it’s different today than it was yesterday; and how it will be different tomorrow, too. Where we’re at today is extremely unique. It is different than any other day. It will always be so.
Beyond connecting in with the energy of the season, I connect in with the energy of the collective in my city, state, country, and the world. I see and feel where we are all at – today. Today is different than any other day. It always has been and always will be. No day will be like today. No day that has passed will ever be today.
It’s doing a major disservice to my experience of this day if I bring forward my experiences of yesterday. Which is what I was in the habit of doing for most of my life. I’d only wake up to take the pulse of the moment every once in a while. Usually, it was brought on by extremely difficult feelings, pushing me to open my eyes and come up from below for a breath of fresh air and a new perspective.
But now I choose to honor the uniqueness of each day for all bodies of my experience. So how am I honoring this day on all levels? How does one do that? I do it very simply. First, I choose to completely release everything I’ve carried with me from the days before. Then, I drop back into my experience. I attune myself to my energy field. I get a sense of where I’m at on all levels with honest and open eyes. I do a true assessment.
I have to practice at being truly honest with myself because my mind wants me to be better, always, so sometimes it can be hard to see that today I’m not in as high a state as I was yesterday. But, if I’m being honest, this is where I’m at, a lower energy state. Tomorrow it could be different. It could be different by the end of the day. I don’t know. Each day I need to re-assess to see where I am at.
When I assess I need to be honest. I need to meet myself exactly where I’m at, not where I think I should be. And I need to not clinging to where ever I find myself. For example, I could be in a high energy state. That’s great but I know now I need not cling to that state because I could full well be in a lower state later in the day or next week. Wherever I’m at, well, that’s where I’m at. It just is what is. No attachment.
Once I have assessed myself and met myself fully, I reach out with my energy and my mind’s eye to connect into the energy of the season. I feel into summer (it’s summer now). I feel into nature and where she’s at. I get her pulse. I feel her warmth and vibrancy. I get a sense of her sunlight and darkness. I catch her vibe. It’s different today than yesterday – always.
Then I take time to assess the collective energy. It’s most important to assess the collective energy of the city I live in but it’s nice to know where the world is, too. I say it’s most important to assess the energy of the city because that is what has the most impact on me today.
On Monday, the city was a bit sleepy and slow to get up and about. On Tuesday, we were all well underway in the workweek and the energy had picked up. This is due in part to the influence of the energy of each day of the week. They co-mingle, ya know?
I do this energy assessment practice each day now. I assess my energy, the energy of nature, the energy of my workplace, the energy of my city, etc. I do this because I realize now that each day is a new day and, therefore, each day needs to be met with fresh eyes.
I have been in a longstanding practice of thinking that I could bring the past forward with me into the future. This habit has led me to feelings of depression and disconnection from life. It’s led me to live out of alignment with how life truly is right now. Do you see that? If I don’t let go of yesterday to see today for what it is, then I’m constantly living in the past.
If I never truly meet myself or the passing of the seasons or my body or this day or my life in general with a fresh sense each day, then I’m not truly meeting it. There will inevitably be a thin film between us. A disconnection from life sets in. And, over time, a lack of true connection to life in the present moment can lead to depression.
Life and energy are always in motion; therefore, life and the energy of life are always different, every day. Every hour and every minute, too. For starters, let’s focus on this day.
Today, I bring awareness to life on all levels, fresh and free from yesterday. I bring awareness to this super unique, new, fresh day. I bring awareness to my body and how it feels today. I bring awareness to my mind and how calm or reactive or in between it is today. I bring awareness to my heart and how it feels. I bring awareness to where I’m at in this season of nature on this day.
I do this so I can get started on the right foot. I do this so I can be connected to the truth and reality of this day. I work in alignment with the energy of the day, on this day of this season, on this day of this body, mind, and heart. Fresh, clean, and true.