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On the soul journey, there are days that don’t seem so bright. The sheen goes out. A dullness takes over and depth accompanies it. Richness in a different kind of grandeur. There’s a density to it all. 

The corners of the mouth lie flat or slightly turn down. The shoulders turn inward and a mild arch takes the upper back. Heaviness weighs on the heart. And tears make there start in the throat, then the head, then the eyes. Up and up and up and out. Very needed this time.

It doesn’t matter that your favorite yoga instructor was elated to see you. It doesn’t matter that the sun is shining and the temperature feels fine. It doesn’t matter that three days ago you emanated joy from every square inch of your body.

Today the clouds billow high and wide, coming into form and disappearing at the same time. They move and evolve like I do. Always and ever a new shape and some hue of bright white light and/or dark, dark grey. Or maybe even pink, orange, or purple depending on the time of day. But when the light catches it just right, a rainbow. 

Mother, she holds me in all my ways. 
The lonely, the lost, the longing
The fear, the freedom, the fancy
My grave grief and grounded groans 

She takes my edges and wraps them up
Softly, gently, tenderly
She kisses each fold and every embrace
Lightly blessing each caress of my face

I thank her and lean in 
Longer, lighter, tighter, more 

She’s become my sanctuary 
the place where I go and tune in

I drop the hurried frenzy of the city
even in the midst of it all

I seek her out with my energetic embrace 
I allow her to seep into my pours

Her every rhythm and vibe
Her imminent, non-pressing interpretation of time 

At first, it was a last resort.
A chasing, a grasping, a something…

Nothing else could do.
Now I see her. 

Always there. 
Always present.
Always receiving – me. 
Giving me what I need.

She doesn’t have the worries
that the humans do. 

She keeps her peace,
despite the flurry of 
anxiety, fear, and greed,
seen in how the bumblebees weave.

When I’ve lost mine
I know she’s got hers. 
And with a little time
she helps draw me in line 

They’re wide and flat now. Covering more blue than before. The grey got greyer and the light got lighter. Flexing seamlessly from one to the other because it truly is no bother. They spread and sprawl in all their organic wisdom, letting go and allowing in exquisite freedom. Their shape-shifting nature reminds me of mine. Today I feel my grey as I release some rain. Tomorrow I could be clear with nothing but blue skies. 

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash