Is it okay to be vulnerable? Is it okay to admit that I don’t feel well today and that I haven’t felt well for a while? Is it okay to feel frustrated, irritated, and short-tempered? Is it okay to want to smash niceties and long-winded, unasked for answers? Is it okay to snap back?
Is it okay to finally relax back into – well, maybe I’m not “spiritual enough,” and I’m perfect that way? Is it okay to not vibe with “just be kind” and “respond compassionately”? Is it okay to feel anger? Rage? Is it okay to feel?
Is it okay to say, “Hey, man, I am feeling irritable. And I’m allowed to feel this way”? Is it okay to ask that you don’t take my emotions personally? Is it okay to request that you unattach yourself to however I am showing up in the day? Is it okay to request that if you insist on sticking yourself square in the middle of my flow that you stop trying to manipulate my emotional experience so that you’re more comfortable? Or, if you do insist on being comfortable, well, then is it okay to say, “Step the fuck back and mind your own business.”?
Is it okay to dissolve the self-image of the nice girl who has no firm or divergent opinions or feelings; she, who is incapable of rage, frustration, or anger? Is it okay to completely obliterate other people’s insistence that women remain docile, subservient creatures without a mind or heart of their own? Is it okay to give her a voice and insist she let in her rage, into every single fiber and cell of her being until she bursts into a blinding light of love?
Is it okay that my truth at times comes with a sharp edge and that it could very well make your skin crawl and bones ache and heart quiver? Is it okay that I can’t possibly be diplomatic all the time and that I just might hurt your feelings or offend you? Is it okay that I let go of the need to constantly attempt to not offend anyone, ever? Can someone please teach me how to stop caring so much about how other people perceive me? Can my anger and rage and irritability be sacred?
Is it okay if I don’t feel like playing nice anymore? Is it okay that I want to be the bitch who cuts you off on the highway or tells you not to hold your breath because we ain’t having that conversation – ever? Is it okay that I don’t want to go around being a radiant beacon of divine love, gifting others with endless goodness and blessings and grace? Is it okay if I just focus on myself for a little while? Is it okay if I just don’t care today? Is it okay that all I really want to do is tell you off? Send you to your room? Or ask you to leave? To leave me alone… To let me be me. In all the ways I choose to be or… all the ways I simply am – today.
I want to just be me in all my forms and not have to worry about you. I want you to get you. I’ve got myself. And when I feel like being some other way, a way more conducive to cooperation, love, and kindness, I’ll let you know. But today… this is me. Angry, blustery, irritable, bitchy, uncertain, and confused. Today this is me. And I’m okay.